Ytringsfrihet

Anekdote 88

”Morsomt innlegg!! Men av hensyn til at mange av våre lesere ikke behersker engelsk i det hele tatt, eller har dårlige engelskkunnskaper, kan vi ikke trykke det slik du har sendt det.” Og jeg som bare hadde tenkt å tulle litt i avisen med oljeindustriens fjollete bruk av helsides engelskspråklige stillingsannonser for å tiltrekke oss ”who are the excellence they are searching for.” Skulle jeg oversette det til norsk? Umulig, det er jo bare svada. Uken etter eksploderte saken i media og Finn Erik Vinje fikk satt ord på det vi alle hadde følt lenge. Her er mitt bidrag i sakens anledning. In extenso:

Opportunity NOX

Per
Engineer with New Speak abilities
Braatet

Let me start by quoting Homer: ”Boooring”. It is another day at Gullible Inc. I am sitting here all by myself in my cubicle-corner of the world glancing at a 1024 by 768 pixels presentation of what used to be enjoyable work. I certainly still manage. I deliver milestones of achievements in the supply chain of empowerment in the knowledge based industry based on the age old principle - garbage in, garbage out. But the thrill is gone. I look and feel like the Finn.no-man. My life fizzles out. I need new challenges before AFP-youth parks me and my talent in a coffee-bar in suburbia.

I look out. Holy smoke! I must say I have a room with a view. Through the smoke rings of self-consciousness I see the sharply dressed smokers cutting deals with the mobile in one hand and building social networks crossing all managerial boundaries on the other hand. This is the new ruling class. No, I will not let my life go up in smoke in order to get a pole position. I need some fresh air and a new language. Let me be recycled and take a right turn and give the newspapers’ job market-section a second chance.

What about another career in a new town? I don’t want to go to Stavanger but the oil-business looks promising. Give me the option to pollute with an attitude. In the LNG-market I can merge my skills with my ideals and go for more. Should not that be fulfilling I could offer my gifted self to a competing company with a philosophy - “ The deeper it is, the more it attracts us”. Their senior geologist from global exploration utters with insight and hindsight – “Who says the time of great discoveries is over? We have barely scratched the surface”. Contradicting statements? Not at all, they are just telling me that they are going down and if I want to follow I just have to apply for position P0667 and read the instructions at www.CO2.com/career. What a dream team. Me and the pseudo-governmental CO2-Firm. The largest fusion since the Hydro-bomb, but now only with minor leaks and emissions.

Just think of it, me job-rotating from competitive industry with low margins and my LinkedIn with 1 connection to the sea of milk and honey were some barrels a day keep the downsizing away. Dear CO2 , just sack the recruiting officer and stop advertising. I offer peak performance, fire and skill to your learning organization. And please embrace my credo, motto and ethos-statement “Blow-outs that’s me!”